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Singing In the Rain
The poly students are scaring me. The way they're rushing for projects and tests now sends shivers down my spine. Feeling tinges of regret and the fact that december will not be a holiday month totally rubs in like salt to a wound and bird poo on you when you've stepped on woof shit. Grrrrr......
Ktved my saturday night away and ended up voiceless. Because I was the only one singing most of the songs from 11-3!! And as usual, I was the joke of the night because I cleverly pointed at a cello and said its a violin. Thanks ah! This teaches you not to act smart with ppl who sells musical instruments for a living. A whole family of them to be precise. Hehe.. had fun anyway. :) She, the ah fat, saved the night by saying I had a nice voice. *double beams. Next time you don't drive la. Then we all can go for the beer drinking competition as many times as we want to. Such a waste you didn't win by that little bit. Tsk.
Anyway anyway, I'm gonna be like damn free next week la, wit my stupid schedule of only 2 measely days. This kinda income can never satisfy my insatiable need for all things new. And I wanna watch the stupid futterfly effect la. All cuz of who?! grrrrrrrrrrr.. *glares.
i. miss. you. a. mountain. of. hersheys. :))
Fill in the blanks
This enrolment form thing is getting on my nerves, asking fucking stupid questions like what kinda house do you stay in? and give you options like zinc/attap house? Tsk. Spare me the agony please. Waste so much time, going for the pre-enrolment checkup. wahhh... Its jeopardising my beauty sleep! The past 3 nights adds up to no more than 10 hrs of the much needed exilir and its taking a toll on me, my eyebags look like waterbags, no less.
The rest of the week looks rather interesting to me, both wit the best friend. Shop shop, Beach, bitch bitch. :)) By the way my dear jovin, what I was trying to say was, next wed, there's this wingtai staff-only sales. 40% off everything. And i'll be going because grace the sweetest needs company. wahahhahahhahaha. I pray i'll get the big bucks on sunday in support to my dwindling account balance.
You're the sweetest thing. :))
Thanks, I enjoyed today. You made me feel like a pwincess. Have fun at training and house briefing tmr! Jia you Jia you Jia you! *hugs!
you. gave. me. hope. when. all. was. gone
The Retail Therapy Canopy
gracie wacie babie.
31st. 40 %. the 5 major. :))
I can't wait.
woohooooooooo.
togets togets togets. :))
Groping in the dark
I choose to believe in lies. They're much more comforting to the ear. Till i can no longer cheat myself, I come to terms wit it. And alas, break down and cry.
The make believe world is always so much nicer.
What about you? You're sucha compulsive liar, mostly, to yourself.
Is this bungee jump? The harder i try to break away, the harder i bounce back. This is a fucking vicious cycle.
Those who are going back to school tmr, enjoy. :) i'll miss you. esp huis. haha. *winks.
Make it good
we shopped for ingredients for dinner last night.
we pushed the cart together each looking at a different aisle as we both had preoccupied minds.
we cooked dinner togets last night: soup, pasta, potatoes and wine.
reminiscent of a recent past delight.
we played tarot cards to read our futures, asking to what our fascade hides.
it answered the doubts our hearts had perchanted over time and tide.
we fell asleep listening to sad songs on radio, each on one side of the bed.
I faced the wall as she faced the pain.
we sniffled our way into sleep, crying for the things we've lost.
finally found nothing that we could reach out for.
she drove us to work, the silence filled the air.
the tension so tight, it wiped away all the lateness for all i could care.
i. can't. do. this.
My Mango-Stint
Today today today. I went shopping.
The sinful 8-lettered word which swipes out whatever traces of sanity as I go berserk over bags, shoes, clothes and accessories. And once i start, there's no stopping. I shop-hop(and jump and run and skip) to my favourite retail outlets and for once there's no pathetic mishaps (as of yours truly's unlucky streak)like no size, colour or yada yada, until I remembered my dad is not Yusof Ishak. Don't you agree that second you hand over your card, your mind is blank? And the moment you get it back, reality sinks in? Tsk. Retail therapy is truly the best of its kind. :)
I bought:
4 Mango-fied tops
1 m)phosis-ed top
1 blackjack-ed skirt
1 god-knows-from-where pair of earrings
and a handbag.
Hmmm.. Satisfied? Far from that.
Happy? Definitely. The action of handing my cash/card over to the stern looking cashier who thinks i'm gonna rob her just emits endorphins into my bloodstream. Pun intended.
I've shed my locks but hell it looks no different. Perhaps softer due to the treatment, but nontheless, still the fluffy poodle-like hairdo. Makes me go sick in the stomach when i look in the mirror. tsk. I love the favouritest. She brings me happiness. Good food, Good shopping. Everything! *Hugs. Love you love you! Can't wait for next week. LOL... Part II!!!!!
I've got my eyes on.............
you. send. me. to. heaven. on. cloud. nine.
I quote.
"Dere are too many regrets already.
Losing the ones who have been dere for years
D ones who reli loved u
As ur eyes remain fixed on other stars.
D one who sat by ur side as u cried ova brk-ups wif another
D one who wld put her hand on ur back n say its ok when she feels twice d pain bcoz she is comfortin the one she love cryin ova her love
Time n time again.
N how many do u meet in a lifetime who says she love u
N even when u hav gone w another
U come back n shes still dere?
trying is sth we hav to do.
...
N u urself said it..u are not opening up ur hrt.
If u do not, how do u expect urself to eva feel for another rs?
Ure locked up.
U walk dwn a big field filled wif blooming red roses.
Uve got one but along d way u dropped it.
U go on...n along d way u saw many more roses..
Some u do bend dwn to tk a second look
But u neva did picked up any, bcoz u told urself u mite find another rose bloomin more beautifully den d one u see...
But u find dat d nex one can't be compared to d previous
N so at d end of d path u havent even gotten one stalk.
N some paths u mite neva hav d chance 2 turn back ard
Wat im tryin to tell u is dat u shldn keep comparing "dem" to d previous one.
U muz noe dat every rs is different.
Soft spots for someone who means alot to us is understandable.
But if u wan to get into another rs, u muz mk sure u r able to differetiate btw dat soft spot n wat u r goin to put ur hrt in now.
Bcoz if u keep tinkin another, it wld be unfair for the one wif u.
N u wldn wan to come to regret again when u lost n realise it onli when its too late again.
bcoz in a rs pple alwiz stand tall when d happy times r in.
But when obstacles come, dey simply gif up .
But wat is reli a rs is not reli standin tog in happy times...but standing tog thru d tough times
To be standing thru to the time when dey watch d rainbow once again."
Jovin, my dearest girlfriend (fiend?! LOL), I'm so proud of you. You really talk sense. :)
*HUGS!
... if only all these will get into her numbskull someway or another..
From now on, I shall engage myself into a non-plan plan.
For I realised, plans never work out. They only mould a shape for your thoughts, which then after, you're supposed to think out of the box, no?
What really binds 2 people together? Communication? Trust? Love? Sex? Care? Faith? Or presumably, all of the above? What is the key ingredient to this conoction? And in the end, what do you get? Happiness? Or plain heartache? More often than not, its just the latter, for no matter how long 2 persons are together, we'll have to go our separate ways one day, death, or otherwise. Perhaps what char said was right. We get together, to grow together. And once we find that there's no way else to grow, we leave. Humans are selfish pragmatic creatures. There is no such thing as unconditional love, for at the end of the day, don't you want your other half to love you too? People in love together always tend to shine a happy, optimistic light on it, while others in a one-sided affair tend to darken the rosy picture. I for one, wish to paint it black.
I let you have all the fun you want in the day, for as long as you come back to my side at night, I'm satisfied. Never had I loved someone to this point of giving in to your needs and giving up my own. Please understand my love for you.
you. haven't. got. a. clue. of. the. pain. i'm. going. through.
Basking in the bitter suite
Disclaimer: The next paragraphs you're gonna read is gonna be highly disturbing.
Parental Guidance Please.
I HATE IT. I SO FUCKING HATE IT. I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO WEAK. FOR BOUNCING BACK HARDER EVERYTIME I TRY TO ESCAPE. WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! CAN'T TRY TO FIGHT IT OR EVEN TRY TO HIDE IT. SICKENING!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. SMACKS WHACKS KICKS PUNCHES WHIPS SLAPS PINCHES KNOCKS SMASHES. BISH BISH BISH!!
ok. I had my share of anger vent. I'm a closet abuser, no doubt abt that.
*Breaths in, breaths out.
:)
"If you love her, just bear wit it. One day she'll know....."
Thank you for the advice. It'll be my motto from now on.
Objection overruled, Case closed.
satisfy. my. insatiable. appetite
Astro-knows-me
We've already forgotten how long we have been walking together on this same path. We both know in our hearts that its gonna end one day. Let time tell the truth, though i'm afraid too. After night falls, we don't even know if there's a tomorrow for us.
Who can remember who first said "I love you forever?"
Whatever we said in the past is a permanent wound for the future.
After a long time, no one recalls how sweet it was in the beginning.
How we used to say we'd walk till the end, hand in hand.
We're both tired, but we just can't retrace our footsteps and walk back. The two hearts so lost, no matter what is said, doesn't matter anymore.
My dear, why, why? ...Perhaps you yourself don't know as well.
Two people, obviously in love, waiting for each other to find a reason to break up.
Who still remembers how it was like when the love started to change?
When we started to see the sky in different hues, in different lights.
We've walked too far, and have finally reached the point where the road splits into 2.
Is it just that both of us just have 2 very different dreams?
*
She shines, so that in another part of this world, the moon glows. And that's the sun's main priority, to make the moon glow, literally. The sun wants to see the moon whole again. Every time the sun shines in a wrong way, the moon is incomplete. More so, because he misses his milky way and his heart isn't wit him. The sun is so afraid, for more often than not, we see a half moon, a cresent or just a thin thread of the blue cheese space ball. Yet day after day, she waits for the moon to be round again. And this wait never ends regardless of centuries or milleniums. For the one love, is her love.
The sun never forgot about her other tasks. One of it being shining to give people tans, and for this one human being on earth in particular. Whether its a cloudy day or a rainy day, the sun still shines, just in a different way. She'll be shining on the girl, but that's all. For all that's in the sun's mind, is the moon.
you. can't. have. the. best. of. both. worlds.
Carpe Diem
Yesterday's shoot was whooping good. It was supposed to be an re-enactment of a foam party so all 40 of us were squeezed into a puny lil pool at Mahalo to allow the impression of it being damn packed. Its rather stupid cause it was so packed and there was foam all over our faces, I doubt you can even see me if you saw the ad. So there we were looking super sandwiched with foam spurting at us every 5 mins till it was at neck level. It felt really weird cause we were all skimply-dressed (read: bikinis and boardshorts) with wind blowing at us, yet the thick foam kept us warm. So our faces were cold, our bodies were warm, and cold again below knee level because we were standing in water. Nonetheless, it was super fun for we were supposed to be dancing and the music happened to be R&B, so what the hell, dance did we, in bikinis and foam. I went there knowing only one fellow male model yet ended up as a clique with a whole gang of fun ppl that really made my night. And at the end of the day, I get paid to have fun. *smirks.
Its rather amazing really, how small this world is. I met so many strangers yesterday, but they were all friends of friends. People like Syrus, who's in the same class as Kerrie. Ada, who's Sher's junior. Desmond, who's my primary school friend's senior. Adler, who's my ex-boyfriend's best friend. Woo! I even saw the cool chick who worked at klear cut and used to wash my hair for me. All in all of 40 people. It was hell lots of fun.
And anyway, buffet for models is total crap because no one really eats in a desperate attempt to look less bloated. Tsk.
In this world that so big yet so small, I'm glad I found you
I ripped this off an e-mail and its stupidly-funny.
Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies:
* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beatings but will
wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
* The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they
first perform a dance number in the rain.
* Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
* Two lovers can be dancing in the field and suddenly, 100 people will
appear from God-knows-where and join them in the dance.
* In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy whom he was up
against was actually his brother and the maid who looked after him was his
mother and the chief inspector
was his father and the Judge was his uncle and so forth.
* Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between
sentences) are "No Problem!", "My God!", "Get Out!", "Shut-up!",
"Impossible!", "Please forgive me!"
* They drop down to the ground and roll and roll while singing and leap to
their feet in different clothings.
* They can run around the coconut trees, singing, battling eyelids and
throwing glances at each other and change clothes all at the same time
without getting out of breath.
Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Sword-Fighting Movies:
* Being the hero's parents is always unlucky and will usually be killed by
enemies when the hero is young and the hero will become an orphan.
* When a man is wounded and dying, he always manages to catch his breath and
speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and
being declared dead.
* Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across
distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they
still have to walk or ride horses.
* The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have gold and
silver with them to pay for their food dishes.
* The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big
the country is and no matter where they are.
* Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down
cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.
* They can keep alot of stuff in their sleeves and waistbands and never drop
them. Especially a lot of gold & silver ingots.
all. i. ever. wanted. in. this. life, baby. i. found. in. you.
If
I gave it my all to hug you as tightly as i could.
Was willing to forgo myself in the process of loving you.
I half-believe, half-doubted it when you made me yours.
The past adds up to what we have now,
yet time was enough for you to assure yourself of your feelings.
You were always the one who ran away,
created a distance and made me search for you.
If I were you, I'd take your place to love me deeply.
Every moment comes from the bottom of my heart.
When you turn around and look back, I'll still be standing at the same spot.
If I were you, I wanna continue walking down this road together.
But its a pity, I'll never be you.
And everything my thoughts reach this point, my tears fall.
I know that in the deepest-most of my heart, I'd love you and never give up.
We went through so many obstacles,
And I'm not trying to make things difficult for you.
You know the hurt I've been through.
And everytime I reach this point,
I come to terms with the fact that..
I can't be you.
I've. never. let. you. down, and. never. will.
You and Me
They say regret is just a word in between.
And pretend is nothing but an act of jealousy.
Didn't juliet regret when she pretended to die and romeo really killed himself?
Didn't the butterfly lovers regret when the girl had to get married and the guy buried himself alive?
They could only meet in heaven after that, but who's to say if heaven really exists? Who's been there and back?
The sun fell from the rising moon's arms into the deep ocean like a cracked egg yolk. They were holding hands, but the moon loosened his grip and let go. Slipped, withdrawn, jaded and fallen. Without hesistation or treacherous sanity, the moon forsaked the one who loved him more than life, in exchange for his bevy of twinkling stars. He was smitten, too mesmerized by the enticing scent of freedom, for he could fling all he wanted all night long, with a different star each night. But he forgot, that there was only one sun in the sky. The one he revolved around. The one who shined every day and night for him.
He felt that she outshone him. He felt that he was cold, and she was warm. "We couldn't click", were his very exact words. He felt that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't embrace the sun's love for him. They tried so many times to be together, the sun being the one who put in alot of effort and initiative to make things work. She provided energy to let the plants on earth to grow, for humans to work, so that at night, there was pretty flowers and beautiful skylines the moon could watch. Yet time and time again, it didn't work out. The moon missed his milky way. He told the sun he couldn't get used to her, for it was so different from being with someone so extreme from what he was used to, where his comfort zone existed. The sun tried to compromise and gave the moon all the time he needed, day after day, night after night. The moon then said he was too used to being alone, dominating the night sky. No matter how the sun tried, she just couldn't, couldn't get him in her arms, for the moon didn't even want to hear what the sun had to sad. He plainly ignored her, and said no to everything that she suggested, everything that she could offer. The sun no longer knew what the moon wanted. Companionship or being the lone star in the night sky. She wanted to be there for him, to love him with all she had, to spend her days wit him, to be wit him together forever. And all she ever asked for, and all she ever wanted was his love.
For every inch that the sun moved towards him, the moon moved a yard away. The sun never asked for much, she never even asked him to come closer. All she ever begged for was that he stayed at the exact spot he started off, so that one day, she can come close enough, to reach him right where he was. But the moon felt that this was too much to commit too. He had great dreams, of ruling the universe. He wanted to succeed in what the universe gave him, that one day he could call all his own. The sun supported him in his dreams. She shone for him, whenever he was down or disheartened. She cheered him up whenever he was sad or tired. But he pushed it all away. He told her to stop it, or he'll leave her for good, avoiding her even. The sun was at a loss, she didn't know what to do. It was like treading on thin ice. One wrong step and it'll all be gone. She wanted him back so badly but she had no clue what to do to get him in her arms again.
The sun could give up whatever she had in exchange for his attention and favour. The sun did silly things like disappearing from the sky, creating an eclipse whenever she cried. She gave it all, but she know in the moon's eyes, she was dull and can't even be compared to the stars once she was in the moon's world. Alone she shone, but wit him, she was always on the lower hand. And that's why, you don't see the sun whenever the moon comes out. But we all know that, no matter where the moon is, the sun is somewhere near, secretly shining for him. She waited for dawn and dusk everyday, for it was the only times they were together in the sky. For she loved him more than life and forever and ever more, somewhere in the sun's sky, the moon was in her eyes.
The End.
What's Love?
I'm am so damn bored. I'm surfed almost every blog i know of, view almost all of the albumns, went through fridae and friendster, played stupid games online. Basically, almost everything i know of! God, this boredom is killing me.
Anyway, I also wanna tan topless! So jealous!! After seeing her topless photos in phuket (obviously she's covering her assests), i'm so tempted too! And I'm even more tempted to post the photos up here but she'd kill me, no questions about it. LoL* The tan is like how even la! Unfair. *Pouts. I hate tannlines, they make me look like some unevenly pigmented cow. Bleahs. I think I'd just get caught for indecent exposure here. Then again, maybe not. I'm so flat, they'll mistake me for a guy and i'd get away wit it. HurrHurr.
I'm so yearning for ktv ktv ktv after screaming my voicebox out on saturday. Anyone for it? Please call ME. Thankyouverymuch.
I just can't stay at home. I'd go crazy thinking my brains out.
What is she doing?
Where is she?
Is she thinking of me?
Is she fine?
Does she miss me the way i'm missing her?
Does she even know it?
Yes.
No.
Maybe??
What is love actually?
Is it the pinning for a person day and night? Is it the need to see her as much as possible? Is it wanting to do everything you can to make that person happy? Is it trying to change for the better to suit to her? Is it accpeting all her flaws and love her as a whole person? Is it putting up wit all her tantrums and give in unconditionally? Is it being happy wit someone, no matter where you are and what you're doing? Is it the need to show affection in every single way you can? Is it sacrificing what you have to make her happy? Is it sharing a special bond that no one else has? Is it happy? Is it sad? Is it crying for someone when you've lost the person?
or
Is it letting her go when she wants freedom?
Either way, I've tried my best.
pack. my. bag. and. fly. away.
The Unbalanced Quotient
They say what you don't get, god makes it up to you in another way. So does one girl gone equate to 4 guys? omg. I'm just so not interested la.
And does what you give equate to what you get in the end?
Not even.
Its either you're on the upper or lower hand. There's no such thing as equality in a relationship. Being upperhand, you give less, you get more. The poor things who are lower on the scales just give more and more and more. That's as simple as it gets, just plain unfair.
*
Woke up early early early for the application/interview.
Was worth it. :). Thank you jovin for accompanying me and risking to fail your whole semester. LoL. And you better shut up about the bus not coming. Grr.. It was because the uncle saw you ok! See la, dunno who's the sway one. Walk wit you only get followed by ah siao alr. This is bad news man. I think you're worse than me. LoL. Ta got in too on the spot. We're good aren't we? The guy was like already to accept me even before i showed him my portfolio and really talked.
He was like: "Did you bring your cheque?"
Me: "Err.. no? For what?"
Him: "School Fees la!"
Me: "Oh. ha-ha."
Rights.
Spent the night wit her at indochine. Tried so many drinks which were generally, nice. I was rather flattered by the fact that the waitress came over to help her colleagues get my number. Yeah, all 5 of them. 2 bartenders and 3 waiters. Err.. unwanted attention? Anyway, I get 15% discount off at indochine from now on. Hurrhurr.
Anyways, we talked the whole night out. Can't stand the fact that we have so much in common. Same up and downs, same thoughts, same reactions, same taste, same worries, same predicament, same character, same likes and dislikes. What else can I ask for? And for fuck's sake, she's another freaking taurean. God goodness gracious. I'm so stuck with taureans its whateverville alr. Had fun though. Thanks dear. :) I'll consider your offer anyway. We'll see how it goes la.
Oh ya, and you look damn sexy topless.
Hahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhaha *winks.
Love love.
don't. look. back
