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How long more can i stay by your side?
How can I turn back the hands of time, though i cherished every moment?
Unwilling to let go of your hands that once held mine tight.
The plane's waiting, I must fly.
I must stop my tears from flowing, I must leave.
But remember, don't forget our story.
For there were too many memories and hopes and joy.
Regardless of how crazy they were, I'd keep them for life.
You can't forget our story,
There're still many scenes to be acted out.
Don't give up, because one day, fate will find its way back.
It will come back.
I know you're lonely, being alone is painful indeed.
Surrounded by temptations, you'd lose control if you're careless.
But can you see our harvest in the far end?
Are you willing to wait patiently and bid your time?
B r e a k d o w n
The Great Escape
Well, raw score is 11, nett score is 8, r4 is 8 too.
was hoping for single digit, but then again, sighs.
you'd never get it all do you?
Lins' party was spanking good. And her parents are the most fun-loving couple i've seen man. Seriously, I swear! They were so enthusiatic about throwing each other into the pool and even after we got scolded how many thousand times by that fucking security, we still went ahead anyway. All got wet except gen and han. I got pushed into the god damned pool like 1001 times la. All thanks to jay, you stupid ass!! Its amazing how all of us could still swim after drinking baileys, jim bean, johnnie walker, vodka and beer la. But! Handphones were spoilt, there were floating sandals, hairbands and what-have-you's. Faints. What a collection!
After we went up and made ourselves a lil drier, we hit the bottle again. This time, kudos to lins' dad who brought out all the alcohol. Cool man! James was way too high and Jay was spouting rubbish already while the rest of us just watched and laugh. Garie, as usual, came like at the last 30 mins or so la. -_-" Faints.
It was really really good. Haven't had so much fun in such a long time already. Thanks lins! And the usuals. Fun is incomplete witout all of you. :)
Who could know the emptiness inside, every time I see your face
Too many feelings left behind, do you wonder why
I turn away when you look at me, never wanting your eyes to see
This desperate heart that knows how perfect we could be
Baby, cause you don't know how I feel
Livin my life without you
Baby, and you don't know what it's like
Lovin you all this time
I'll give you all my love, heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance
Now when I need you the most....
You don't know
All I ever wanted in this world, baby, I found in you
I never felt this way before, but I can't break through
And now I lie awake, alone at night, so afraid now to close my eyes
Just one more dream of you I'll carry here inside
And I would hold you all through the night
I would stay right by your side
And I'd give you the world if your love was mine
But, baby, could it be I'm only dreamin'
Don't let it pass me by
i'm. sorry. i. can't. be. perfect.
Catch Me when I Fall
Its another one of those days where i'd lose my sanity. I just couldn't bear being at home and looking at the stuff that reminded me of her. We tried everything. Even wearing executive wear just for the kick of it. Ollie looked really good though. LoL. The both of them just wanna bully me la. Us girlie girls should never go out shopping with 2 bungs. 2 VAIN ones to be precise. They'd just wanna go to the shops where their kinda stash are available and forget about poor you. You 2 forgot that I was the heartbroken one!!! Its supposed to be my day!! grr..
So on and on we went. Trying and trying and trying. Eating and eating and eating. Had a whole new episode to mangosteen. Loolin was there too. Oh my god. This is highly confidential man. LOLOLOLOLOL. I laughed till i almost died. *shhhhhhhh.
I tried my best to off my tap but lost it in the train.
Sorry jovin!! You love me the most la, won't bully me. *grins. Thanks for always accompanying me when i'm at my lowest. Doing stupid things like taking the train so far (to god damnned harbourfront) and screwing other ppl for staring. AND THE MANGOSTEEN COMPETITION!!! You better shut up about it i swear. I love you. Thanks. From the bottom of my heart. :)
February came and is 2 days shy of gone.
There was the best, and the worst.
There was the joy, and the tears.
There was the unexpected and the anticipated.
There was the union, and now the separation.
Due date's up. My time is over.
Its over and done
but the heartache lives on inside.
And who is the one you're clinging to, instead of me tonight?
Where are you now, now that i need you.
Tears on my pillow, wherever you go girl.
I'd cry me a river, that leads to your ocean.
You'll never see me fall apart, in the words of a broken heart.
If you don't come back, come home to me darling.
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight?
Can't you see, how much you mean to me?
Is this your very best?
Is this all you wanna achieve?
Is this all? Is this the very end?
Do you wanna end things like this?
Is this the way our story's gonna end?
Your answer was yes, sadly.
I had so many great plans.
How to love you. How to help you get over your dreadful past. How we could go on our honeymoon. How i wanted to get married to you.
Laugh.
Laugh at me for being so silly. For even thinking so much in advance.
Thinking about something that was never there. Laugh at me for giving up someone so fine, in pursuit of what i thought would make me happy. Now you'd say serves me right, don't you. But I never regretted. Never. God can attest to that.
They were right. You can't lose something you never had.
Goodbye my fair prince. Its over.
Now. she's. gone, i'm. sleeping. with. the. lights. on.
Leave Right Now
Love Horoscope for Libra
This week you will be wondering whether you should work to hold on to the love that you have, or if you should try for someone new. Is there another person out there who is better than the person you have now? If you truly find yourself asking this question, then the answer is probably yes. Most likely, there is indeed someone else out there who you should be partnered with. This week is a time for you to do inventory - to reflect, look inward, and ask yourself whom you want to be spending the rest of your life with.
*Points above
what the fuck. Must you?
2 more days.
Can't be bothered already. I just know i'm gonna do so badly.
All the teachers called me to tell me its on friday. What for? Tell me my results la. *tsk
Started work today. Not bad, quite fun. More perky than i'd expected. And definitely 1001 times better than that stupid warehouse can already. But its so dangerous for me to work there. Break anything and i'll have to work for them for life man. You know how clumsy and unlucky i am. Push my fat ass too far in the wrong direction and that's it man. Those stupid art glasses can cost up to 3000 bucks. For a stupid blob of glass with splats of paint in them?! Thanks, but no thanks. But but but at least i get to dress up!!! The vainpotty pot pot in me never dies :)
Char's leaving on friday. I'm gonna miss her so. All our coffee talks, revenge-bitching, shopping and the works. Sighs, oh wells, i'll just see you in sydney or melbourne then. Till then, i'm gonna miss you. So damn much. :)
Ya, i thought it made me happy, but why am i still sad?
well, you're right. Time will tell.
Time is all i have and all i can give.
I've ran outta ideas on what to blog.
Laters.
As. though. i've. lost. my. map, i. can't. see. where. we're. going. anymore.
Drumroll of Anticipation
Its difficult not to worry about the feckin results when everyone around you goes, "how ah how ah--" every other minute. And its funny how each of us know we're quite doomed in some sense or other yet can still comfort each other, "its gonna be ok man." Like real. We're such great liars. LOL. I think i'll get my due retribution for eating all my studying days away in gardens. Its really getting to me and i pray that i don't even dream about it. The left eyelid has been twitching ever since and of course the premonition can't be anything good. The anticipation is so damn dreaded.
I quote from huis' blog.
"Its sad that i have to stop and think about how things could have been between you and me. How everything we had, could just slip away like that, all because of her.
She was someone I wasn't, she was someone I couldn't be, and I guess she's someone i'll never be."
how true.
i'm counting each day as it passes by.
i just really hope it doesn't end up like the previous two before me.
I want to be in a long term relationship.
I wanna know that there's someone there for me, everyday.
I want us to be together, not forever (there's no such thing), but long enough.
I wish, I hope, I pray.
I want this to go a loooong way.
Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda. were. the. last. things. on. my. mind.
Suicidal Tendencies
i can't believe it. This girl in my school committed suicide by jumping a fleet of 11 storeys. Like, oh my god?
Reason? She was involved in some handphone theft case and was being hounded by my oh-so-lovely discipline mistress, MS NAIR. I heard she was asked to meet that devil of a woman after school to end the spat but went to end her life instead.
Like huh?! come on! Do you think so lightly of life?
I was stuck wit that bitch for 3 years and i put up with her shit almost everyday. I think i got it worse when we played truant, missed mass activities, stole stuff, and not forgetting that episode where i spat the words you motherfucker into the principal's face. I got truckloads of shit from them but we were still going strong man. Kids nowadays. Too weak! Perhaps it was cuz we always get into trouble as a group, so we've got each other for support? LOL. In comparison, I suddenly feel much more stronger than i ever was. I have a high threshold man.
I mean, you reap what you sow, you do crap, you get shit, no?
So scary, yet absurd. I bet its chaos in school now.
Oh wells, speaking of reaping what I sowed....
this time its in a good way. :)
its pays off, finally.
12 Feb 2004.
It'll be in my mind too dear.
and like the horoscope says, we're gonna go a loooong way,
together, that is. :)
Love Love Love.
Thanks for doing it even though you told me many times that its hard on you, even though you're scared. Thanks dear.
Kudos to your friend's forever, we'll be, forever too.
All i'm waiting for now is the 14th Mar, oh, and those 3 words.
spend. my. life. with. you
Je t'adore
The aftermath
Its supposedly the aftermath, but i'm fine.
Head's spinning after alll the green tea-whisky/black label and neats(spell?!) we had yesterday.
V night was spent with my love, her sis and bro-in-law,
dinner at the big O and a private club,116, later.
along came a local singer and his wife-material (roll roll roll my eyes away) bitch who pissed all of us off like free.
oh, plus ikan billis and mutton chop if i'm not wrong.
V morning (like real early 1 am) was good.
The launch was fine, lotsa people-watching,
pretty girls and very handsome men.
Lots of alcohol too. I only realised it was the launch of bombay sapphire after i got there and boy was i forced to drink. 5 gin-tonics, 2 martinis and 2 champages.
I'm alcohol-intolerent i swear.
I ran in heels from centro to monks just to be in time to give her the stuff. and it's official - i hate those 3-inches.
The rest of the night was spent just dancing and dancing and having fun wit the usuals.
so u see, its not so usual after all.
i love all of you to the very core. :)
and once again, thank you passer-by for being so sweet.
My Love,
I hope you liked the stuff i did.
Now you understand the eyebags i have to make me a walking panda? *giggles, it was definitely worth it, just to see the smile on your face.
Thanks for the stuff you gave too, i really like them.
So now, both of us can eat grass for the next week or so. ;)
The 2 nights spent wit you were wonderful, the talks in bed were crisp, sweet and very, very very honest
(ahH, see! the dream!LOL*) but i like the kinda honesty so at least i know what's going on.
Believe me when i say i never kept anything from you.
Thanks for making my fairytale come true, just in time. (*winks at jovin)
Its unbelievable, how remarkably splendid you are.
Don't be silly, you know i'd never leave you.
*Shakes head. Never EVER.
Love you more than words can say.
I don't know anything else sweet to say alr, for i've gave you all of me. :)
Still praying that we'd be in aust togets in april.
Woow, something to look forward too, i'll be waiting.
i've. been. searching. so. long, i've. been. waiting. so. hard.
till. i. found. someone. like. you.
Love is in the Air
One year ago, at this very time now, i'd be happily looking at all the stuff that would be piled on my table just before i come to school. Chocolates, bears, roses of all colours, mushy letters, handmade stuff.
Yes, its that very special day where we show our affection to our loved ones. We'd make stuff for each and every one in our clique, hence the pile. We'd run up to each other and give free kisses. The whole school basking in love that's in the air. Couples smiling, friends just being happy wit each other's company. Its such a cosy feeling to love and be loved. To be endeared and doted on. Its a feeling that no amount of endorphins can recreate, just simply, fabulous.
One year now, i miss it all.
I've never missed school so much, i so wanna cry!
But well, you gain some, you lose some.
Ger, Lin, Xiangting, Juls, Bit, and Jia
I miss everyone of you more than words can say, I miss the days where we had so much crazy fun.
The pure, unadulterated joy, the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we held onto each other.
The next time we'd meet is when we collect our results.
You girls know i keep you close to my heart. need not say more.
Till then, i'll be missing you.
Jay, Jovin, Gen, Han, Big/Small Rach, Loo, Ollie, Chase and Fiona
Thank you all of you, for listening to my not-so-funny jokes all the time, and pretending to laugh. You know i think it's really funny!
Thanks for listening to me, pouring all my sorrrows on all of you, for helping me dry my tears.
Thanks for putting up with my aunty-ways. (although i still deny that!)
Thanks for accompanying me, doing the silliest things to cheer me up.
I dunno what to do without all of you.
The understated would be "i-love-you".
The overrated, Amo-te, Je t'adore, T'estim molt, Wo ai ni, Je vous aime, Ich liebe dich, Aloha wau ia 'oe nui loa, Ti amo, Aishiteru, Dangsinul saranghee yo, Aku sayang kau, Te ador, Ya tyebya lyublyu, Te adoro, Khao raak thoe, Toi yeu em
*Curtseys, thankyouverymuch.
And you girl, you my love.
You're the one. :)
I'll hold your hand and walk down this bumpy road wit you.
: : ..: | ..: | |..-.. .: : ": .., : .: ; (that's braille for ilu*)
'Nuff said.
I'll. never. stop. loving. you
deja vu?
ok. this is really freaky.
suddenly, 3 of my male ex's are trying to date me out on sat.
like... err....... suddenly? huh? no no, no thanks.
so weird, i mean, i haven't even seen you for months!
well,
i'm taken. :)
and, thankyou passer-by. you made my day. (:
you're such a sweetheart. if only i knew who you were. smiles*
tp open house later on.
*rubs hands in anticipation.
2 down, 3 more to go!
i so need sleep.
i'm. yours. for. keeps
Unbreak my Heart
4 downs and a dash across.
n-u-m-b.
nothing hurts more than the bleeding heart.
tissue please? thankyouverymuch.
unrequited love addiction
monked last night.
was supposed to go sos-ing but sos looked like a graveyard, so we succumbed to the norm.
everyone was quite high, alot of photo-taking, alot of picking-ups here and there.
danced a bit, played a bit, fooled a bit, puked a bit.
was fun, until...................
that's all, don't feel like saying anymore.
this feels like playdough.
somedays you knead me this way, and i'm comfortable and happy.
other days you press a lil too hard and i'm injured, having holes in my heart.
when you're happy, you play with me all day.
when you're not, i become trash.
i don't understand why i'm like that, so vulnerable to you.
yet still willing continue, being playdough
well, i know what's wrong.
its the usual isn't it? its still about her.
you still love her.
and you don't feel enough for me to even say you love me.
what's wrong with me? why am i still holding on?
cause of the simplest elementary fact that.
i love you.
the most cliched, the most over-used, overrated.
but still, nothing can say more than that 3 simple words.
i stepped into this, well-knowing that the balance will always be tilted to my side.
i walked in, prepared for all this.
so now, i can't complain.
i can only stand by you, wait for the day that you can let go.
it will be long and ardous, but what the hell.
i'm here to stay. Remember what i said about not being just another girl.
yes, this is why i'm trying.
I know you're trying, I know its hard.
Don't give up girl, cause i'm not and i won't. I'm with you.
This i promise you.
Don't love me for fun girl,
Let me be the one girl.
Love me for a reason,
Let the reason be love.
its. so. difficult. to. sleep. with. tears. in. your. eyes.
just a little zsa zsa zsu
this is the photo that made jovin think i'm in love wit her. -_-"
heh. what a couple-ly photo. *hides from small rach!! hahahaha
ok la ok la. nice la nice la. hahahaha
Toh YanLing Serene
yes, I Love You.
for always cracking me up when i'm at my lowest.
for always helping me with... *winks winks
for doing stupid things with me like getting drunk and taking photos in ulu pandan.
LOL* ya la ya la. ILU! :)
anyways, check out this site man ===>:-:<===HERE
and please don't roll over laughing and roll into the drain.
parental guidance is advised.
my bro thinks he looks like spongebob squarepants. come to think of it, there's a resemblence! haha
pfffffffttttt. Just like my dearest JAY. hahahhahahhaha
see you all my favourite girls tonight.
its party time
*hey baby!
i'll. be. your. girl......... all. my. life.
Y-O-U
Have i told you lately, that i love you?
Have i told you, there's no one else above you?
You feel my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness.
Ease my troubles, that's what you do.
this piece of sky is ours to share
went to joochiat to take photos with jovin.
the weather just wanna be how hot la. got a few shots that i was really satisfied with.
next stop, sentosa. stupid jovin! you better not let me go alone. POUTS!
ms oh-so-clever over here wore sneakers to a fashion show and got a hell load of scolding.
had to endure the next 2 hours or so in stupid 3 inches that were 2 sizes too small.
-mutters- had blisters courtesty of the tight straps. thankyouverymuch.
but it was good la, albeit the fact that the programme coordinator striked an uncanny resemblence with my favouritest discipline mistress. hell no, she was a nice lady, unlike the latter. LOL*
we, the january clique, just couldn't resist some good ole bitching about the other models from other agencies. yak yak yak. talk about imperfection in perfection, what a contradiction! Chun, Cia, Lyn, Vanessa and I just couldn't stop laughing. Jia was major entertainment with all her mimicking.
hello hello hello. KTV anyone? ever since that night at 5-10, i've been craving for a chance at the mike. Dang. I've been screaming out my lungs at home (to make sure it doesn't go out of tune again) ever since. and its the 5th already but i still haven't got anything done?! jovin, you better not steal my ideas! hahaha. i predict a major loss of sleep in the coming week man. at this rate, you don't even have to go to china to see pandas. just come over to rivervale walk. you'll see one, alive and kicking.
*
we used to share this piece of sky, we used to look at it together everyday
we dreamt about frolicking in the clouds, we fell asleep dreaming together.
today, you're gone.
suddenly, this piece of sky looks so lonely.
suddenly, this piece of sky is mine alone.
Weiwei
no matter what happens, i'll be here.
blood is thicker than water.
your favourite cousin is here to stay.
we'll use the clouds as blankets tonight, no? hugs..
half of my bed is yours, like the way it always was since young.
Queen of the Damned
*looks above. that is so damn true! i tell you, i think i'm cursed or something.
c'mon. how unlucky can one get?!
who sleeps next to a heater in winter and burns her blanket?
who can laugh to her phone when she saw something funny to save embarrassment but only to invite more when the phone rings and she's laughing to it?
who can pretend to slang slang and turn around to find ang mohs standing behind her?
who has to run through the car park to avoid bird shit on her head?
who will wear sandals on rainy day only to see the stupid dye lak-sek (run) from the sandals and dye her feet blue?
who will wear 2 socks to school only to find that one of them is half a sock and she has trouble explaining the half bare foot?
who will walk in the rain, only to get scared to death by a toad?
who will lose her wallet at the beach and have to walk home all the way from pasir ris to sengkang?
who can go out and bring the wrong keys and sit at the doorstep, waiting for her parents to wake up and open the door for her, and being laughed at by the ah neh who delivers newspapers?
who? who? who?
(and this is only a fraction of it!!!!!!!)
PLEASE! Only i will get this kinda shit can. Its so bad till when we went to kel's house to gamble, all of them ask me to sit next to the banker so everyone will win. CRIES! Please. I wanna go chinatown fortune teller and change luck can! -mutters- sway like shit.
and after i say sway like shit, i get diarrhoea.
see what i mean?!
anyways, i haven't had such a good laugh for such a long time already.
today on the way home from town, me loolin and jovin just wanna laugh till we get abs la.
there was this damn super fat bung and her gf. so jovin was like, wah, pretty girls always end up with ugly guys/bungs. so loolin just had to walk over to see how the gf looked like. the bung was pissed and she looked damn funny. like an overstuffed fishball. so we just wanna laugh laugh laugh at her all the way. but she was really irritating. she fucking pointed her fat middle finger at us when she alighted. so jovin just wanna point point back la. so we laugh somemore. all the way! hahahahahaha. then we were saying we should take her photo. but realised she won't fit into the frame. LOL! then when she and her gf left, we were like, wah! enough space for 3 of us to sit. *giggles
we were mean la. but who ask her! blame herself can. look like big bah zhang still wanna so fierce. its not our fault can. haha. whatever.
*hey baby, i-love-you.
i can love you like that, i would make you my world
move heaven and earth if you were my girl
i would give you my heart, be all that you need
show you you're everything that's precious to me
if you give me a chance, i can love you like that
i never make a promise, i don't intend to keep
so when i say forever, forever's what i mean
i'm no casanova, but i swear this much is true,
i'll be holding nothing back when it comes to you
you dream of love that's everlasting
well baby open up your eyes...
that's what i'll give you.
i'll. never. leave. you. again.
